I'd do a diff mood if any of them applied.
Also this centering is neat... I like the new editor.
Been having a rough time lately. Where to start really... I guess personal problems are hard for anyone to throw out, even on a backwoods site like this. Lately I've been thinking about what I really want to do with myself. What my interests are. Am I going to get a job and just hate my day in day out? I haven't needed to yet since my family lives on a farm so I take care of the livestock and then work on linux stuff and write all day. It probably has warped my personal expectations of what I think I am really capable of. Haven't gotten a license yet because I don't care to really go anywhere, haven't followed up on college stuff because my first attempt was a mess, and really just done with a lot of the stuff I've had to deal with lately. I need a change. I am becoming a NEET and thats not exactly healthy, though the farmwork keeps my strength up perfectly fine. Heh, I'm half scared that once I leave the farm that I'll lose all my strength and just not have that anymore...
I guess I could work out but that always looked retarded to me. Its not as good as moving logs, managing animals, stacking hay...
On top of all of that I haven't been able to sleep for, now, 2 years straight! Hooray! So thats why the title is Yawn. I mean I sleep, but literally a car passing on the road wakes me up. And fuck sleeping pills, my depression could kick over on a random day and I'll take 40 or some dumb shit like that. NO THANKS.
Though, the whole depression thing has been off to the side lately, which is nice. Been knee deep in podcasts for the last year which is distracting enough for that. Been trying to ween off my youtube... addiction? with podcasts. I don't think I can call it an addiction but just like when I was a kid, probabyl you too, just mindlessly watching cartoons and not wanting to do much else.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a spare NPC or background character. I think I said this in my last post too but I'm too lazy to read back. Its like I know what I like to do, but to translate that to a job would be.... Well difficult. Hacking hardware for a job would probably not be as fun as what I like to do. MicroControllers vs my shitty pentium M laptops with DDR2. Heh.
I'm scattered, but its whats at the forefront of my brain. I can't really help the scatter any more than what I'm doing now.
IDK what I'm going to do though. Lately I've been thinking about Japan a lot. Not even in a weeb way, I just want to go there. Get lost in the woods somewhere and end up at a fishing town. Walk up a mountain and chill at a shrine. Been following buddhism since I dropped out of college, just as a practice to really calm myself down. I have annger issues so I think it helps... Had some thoughts about different Japanese streets in my head, anyways. Thought about drawing them out and posting them here. Good practice for my tablet.
Not sure theres much else to throw out. Not sure I feel better about anything but good to have something somewhere.