I don't really know how to feel about any of this at the moment, but maybe it'll jog someone else.

After lunch today, I heard something that made me dig around in my memory a bit and help make sense of a lot of BS. Apparently ADHD meds can in fact make shit worse. Like, sure you get things done now, but you almost certainly are depressed and hate existing if you are like.... 8. When I was a kid I had ADD/HD issues and I was prescribed meds. Prior to that I kind of minded my own business, but after that I was more inclined to do what others said more.

Overall what this meant is I was used as a tool instead of joining a tennis team or skateboarding. This has severely bummed me out for a dangerous amount of time, and really only now realizing it, I'm almost deciding I just don't give too much of a shit about whats stressing me out or making me mad about nearby social nonsense, I'm just going and kicking people out of my way and doing shit.

I guess I sort of knew this was bumming me out, I just didn't know how much it was actually making everything else difficult. Turns out I'm sorta good at skateboarding and I can't even do too much yet. Actually, turns out, tennis groups are popping up in my town right now. Turns out I wasn't really listening to myself.

Do yourself a favor. If you feel like this, or have felt... mmmm.... stunted? Stop everything. Right now. Fuck whatever you're doing that you would rather be beating yourself against a wall than do, go do whatever the fuck it is you need to do. If it turns out you need a better job, do it. Better friends? Fuck who you're with. You wanna do what I'm doing and bum around hacking laptops and riding skateboards? LITERALLY WHO CARES FUCKING DO IT.

Turns out that modern times are no different than the 1700's. The only difference is the slave trade is a job application to your nearest soul sucking corporate shitstorm, which is about 90% of everywhere now.

AMAZON LITERALLY HAS SELF UNRAVELING BOOTHS, FUCKING THINK ABOUT THAT

I've decided enough is enough. I don't need to post to youtube. I don't need to work for amway or walmart. Hell, I don't even need to go to college. What I need is to give a shit about what I need to get done, and do direct, real world applicable methods to achieve those.

For you? Go to school, get whatever the fuck job in whatever office complex. Personally I'm gunna go get a tradie job learning welding, and probably will live in an RV. Fuck this bullshit.

I got shit to do.